Text-Mail

Fire you voicemail box and replace it with text-mail.  I call you.  You don't answer.  I leave you message explaining to you how lame you are and bamsa!  You get a text message of my dissatisfaction line by line.  How cool is that?

Q: How do you get an elephant into a Safeway grocery store?

A: You take the "f"s out the words "Safe" and "way".

The Biggest Loser? How about the Biggest Gainer?

Not everyone can proudly call themselves a "Loser".  Fewer still, can call themselves the "Biggest Loser".  Their journey of shedding off the pounds was not an easy one.  If you're one of them, congratulations are in order.  But before you hold that garage sale to make room in closet for your brand new wardrobe would you consider gaining it all back?  I'm not talking about eating your way back into those sweat pants.  I'm talking about pumping Iron.  Ya, that's right my lean and loose-skinned friend, you've got some pounds to gain!  Now that you've ride yourself of all that flabby material, it's time to go back to the gym and put muscle where your rolls were.  And you know it's not enough to just get ripped, you've got to gain big too.  How big? Biggest Gainer Big!  Can you say MUSCLEMILK!!! Ya baby! Watch, as America's scrawny transform themselves into explosively brawny.  These contestants will have only six months to change their lives by competing in teams lead by personal trainers Hans and Franz, and the biggest gainer of them all will win $1,000,000.00!

Find out if you have what it takes to be a contestant on www.iwannabswo.com